Growing up Hurt and Humiliate Part 12: Die Harder

I'm beginning to believe that God has installed some sort of Mutant Healing Factor in my DNA, as if you've read in the past (thank you), then you know I've been thrown and kicked by horses and cows, hit by a car, and survived an unsurvivable car crash among other things.  

Two such injuries happened during my employ at the Florence location of Spencer Gifts.

I first started working there in February of 1998.  We had a jewelry case of the finest gold and silver in all the lands.  The kind that came in on a UPS drop ship.   It was kept locked up in a glass case to be displayed for all of Waterloo to come and be in awe of.

One day, one of the four fluorescent bulbs went out.  I went to turn the breakers to the case off to take out and replace the bulb.  The bulbs face inward towards the jewelry to show off the karats.  So to change the bulbs, you have to lean into the case.  I unscrewed the metal encasement that housed the sockets for the bulbs.  No problems.  Then I had to brace myself by holding on to the metal frame, lest I fall into the cabinet and damage the tens of tens of dollars worth of jewelry.
I twist the bulb, pull it out.  And then my finger completed the circuit.

I don't know how much electricity went through me, but I do know this.  I jumped a good inch off the base and on to my finger.  I do know that I couldn't move.  I do know when the breaker finally flipped and electricity decided to release me I fell to my knees, feeling like I had just ran a marathon.

I was back at work 20 minutes later.

Here's another time.

During one of my sentences of working at Spencer Gifts, Lava Lamps had become super popular.  Like crazy, sold 10 every day popular.  So, we stocked the hell out of them.  We had all the designs that could possibly be sold.  The worst was a leopard print base.

At any rate, the stocking of these things became a problem in our little store, so we had to resort to putting the over stock on the tip top shelf.  Only accessible by ladder.

Unless you didn't feel like getting out the heavy ass ladder, and could scale the shelves like I did.

I was told by my manger to go up there and get a certain style of globe.  Not a problem.  I could easily grab one, and scale back down with one hand.  You see, for as unbelievably clumsy as I am, I can also be quite agile.   Which does lead to some interesting perdicaments.

So, she says "while you're up there, grab a (insert ugly as fuck) base, too. "

I did.

With the hand that I held on to the shelf with.

It was one of Wile E. Coyote moments where you realize that you're going to fall, but it takes what feels like 30 seconds.  I think I even held up a sign that said "HELP".

I fell directly onto the key chain spin rack.  Which had these four points at the very top.  One of which drove directly into my arm pit.

I hit with such force, that it blew out all four poles containing our key chains.  I thought for sure I had been impaled.  But no, just big time bruises, including ribs and  arm pit and a few minor cuts.

I was back at work in 30 minutes.