Friday, April 8, 2011

10 things that I can just not stand.

1. Beach pictures where everyone is dressed the same.  Especially white tops with khaki shorts.
Everyone seems to do this for some reason.  I'm not even clear why.  Its like it started as some virus that just spread uncontrollably, and everyone thinks they're the ones who did it first.  I'll purposely not bring khaki or white to the beach to ensure this doesn't go down.

2. Mothers who call their daughters "sis"
I don't know why this makes my skin crawl.  My own mother is guilty of this, (and the above).  Something about it is just gross.  Its like the word Nog.

3. Running into people that I haven't seen since High School.
I'm just fucking awkward to begin with.  Not to mention having to think about what's gone down in 10 - 14 years since we've last hung out that I can get across in 5 minutes time.  That's what facebook and email, or getting a drink sometime is for.

4. People that say "God Bless You"
Not that I'm against people saying it, necessarily.  I'm all for God blessing me.  But how do you respond to that? They've already topped you, they've won.  There's nothing you can say in response to equal that.  You can't say "God bless you, too"  Cause you know they know that you've just copied exactly what they said, and that they're thinking "unoriginal."  Or "Thank You"  because they'll come back with "you're welcome" and your're right back where you started.  I believe I'm just gonna start saying "no habla ingles"  Save my self the run around.

5. Microsoft Word.
Everyone's got a kid who they think is an artist who set up their print job in Microsoft Word, that ends up looking like dog shit, because they took it beyond the "Word" and decided it needs to be a design program.

6. Places that serve regular Dr. Pepper but not Diet Dr. Pepper.
This makes absolutely no sense to me.  The fountain has Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Mt Dew, Diet Mt. Dew, Exxxtreeeme Yellow Mt. Dew, Pink Lemonade, Diet Pink Lemonade, the fake Sprite, the fake Diet Sprite & Dr. Pepper.

7. The thought of having to play cutesy games.
Like Bachelor and/or Bachelorette party shit.  Oh look, someone's got dick shaped pasta!  Yay.

8. Having to go to church on Easter Sunday.
This one's coming up fast, unless I come up with an escape plan.  If you go to church, that's awesome for you.    But I NEVER go.  Therefore when I (have to) go on Easter, I've got everyone and their cousin running up to me and asking A: "So, you're down from Nashville this weekend? (Besides the fact that I've lived back in Florence for something like 8 years now)" or B:  "You gonna come back next Sunday?"  Which is a bear trap and they know it.  You can't lie in church (despite the fact that I've had preachers look me right in the eyes and tell me that there's no such thing as dinosaurs) and say "Yes", lest you be struck down on the way out.  And you can't flat out say "NO" as then there's the convo with Mom and Dad afterwards about why you refuse to go, despite that "Church is really different now, and really laid back"

9. How God Rock bands get off so easy.
Want to be in a successful band that gets to tour, and put out albums, and never get a bad review?  Become a Christian Rock Band.  It doesn't matter how horrible your band is, as long as there's something about "The Lord" in there, people are unallowed to say anything nasty about how bad it sounds, because "you're glorifying God" or something.

10. People who update Facebook and/or Twitter with the full on intent of people feeling sorry for them and commenting back in a positive manner.
Its cheap, and you need to be drowned for it.

1 comment:

  1. I think #10 is my favorite by far. As well as #5. I have to say I agree with all of these.

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