Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Loosing weight the Michael Henderson way. A comical approach to dropping pounds.

I used to be pretty damned skinny all through High School, college, post college and being single years.  I ate horrible food, and drank All. The. Time.
When Kell and I started dating, I weighed in right at 180.  Which really isn't bad for my height.  And I kept that weight for the most part, but then Kell got laid off, and during this period, starting watching Food Network.  And we moved from our downtown place, to a regular house, which meant no more stairs, or walking to work.  Which meant, the weight I was keeping off began to pack on my ass.  I ballooned right on up to about 240.  

I finally decided enough was enough, and decided to start loosing weight.  But not by actually going to a gym, consulting anybody, or watching videos or any smart way.  I pretty much winged it.

I drank beer non stop when I drank, always Natural Light.  Its cheap, and tastes awesome.  I love carbonation.  If it were a drinking night, I could pound beers non stop.  Cause they're so delicious, and go down with ease.  But them mutherfuckers have calories out the ass.  So, my first step was to stop drinking (beers all the time).

But quiting alcohol wasn't going to happen, because I'm actually pretty good at drinking.  People tell me that they have a hard time telling when I'm drunk.  The key is if I ask the same question over and over again.

So I decided to start drinking whiskey and diets.  "But Michael, whiskey has sugar and calories, and blah blah blah"  Shut it.  This is why its different.  I don't slam whiskey drinks like Hulk Hogan slams Iraqi Sympathizers.  I sip whiskey drinks.  For every three whiskey drinks, I would have knocked out at least 6 beers.  Also, don't eat on friday nights, just start drinking as soon as you get home.
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Then weigh your self on saturday morning.  You'll be surprised what the scale says.
So, I immediately started dropping pounds that way.  Which got me down to about 225-220.

I shaved off my super thick beard which was probably good for a pound or two.

For the next part, I started lifting a few weights.  Once again, my way.  I didn't go and buy expensive weight sets.  I found the bar, and some weights when we moved in, and used those.  And was given a few more.  I maybe spent 15 dollars on fitness equipment.  Then, I started drinking more water, like lots of water.  That got me down to around 200.

We also bought Kayaks, which probably helps too.  Not the actual buying them, but using them on the weekend.

My next component to loosing weight was to start riding a bike to and from work.  But i didn't have a bike.  And those fuckers be exspansive.  So I went to a pawn shop.  Bought one for 30 dollars.  

You may say "Why not run everyday?"  Because fuck running, that's why.  But now i'm down to 195.

I also suggest intense video game sessions, you won't believe how much you sweat when shit gets real playing online.

So I'm only 15 pounds away from my goal of 180.  Which isn't too bad, considering I haven't listened to any professional, or done anything crazy strenuous. 
Which brings me to my next point.  If you would like to loose weight, but are having a hard time, send me a check for $100.00, and I'll put you on a program of beard shaving, video games, whiskey drinking, kayaking, and riding a bike to work.  Its worked for me, and it will work for you.*

*Disclaimer - Most likely will not work for you.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for writing this! HA! I love that you added the flower image from the other night! ox

    ReplyDelete